High school, work, and an angry photographer

This morning I woke up at 7:50am and began a mental inventory of last night’s dreams. Multiple scenes flooded into my mind. After about 30 seconds, I grabbed the sheet of paper next to my bed and scribbled down some main points. Here now I elaborate for my dream journal.

My Dad and I were in a parking lot next to a huge building (high school?) with football players gathered around a bus. There was one big, black student who required a restraint device, because he was too dangerous to be left unshackled. The restraint was like a giant, rolling dolly with straps. Apparently it was my Dad’s job to escort him in our van from the school to wherever we were going. I spoke briefly with the young man, but the situation got uncomfortable and unsafe. I must have left.

The next scene I remember is trying to get my overnight clothes in a van, even though it was full of co-workers. They were annoyed that I had the clothes with me, but we found a way to lay them down in the back seat. [I travel with these clothes weekly for my job in waking life.] We started driving somewhere to eat. One of my managers, C was driving. [I oversee several markets in waking life, and he is one of 3 managers who work for me.] I got a phone call while in the back seat. It was a friend, Kelsey D, [who I am not very close to in waking life and in hindsight am surprised to hear from her in my dream. During the dream it did not seem odd that she called.] She was asking if we were having dinner yet and that she (and her party) had already eaten. While I as on the phone with her, we were almost in a wreck. C had to swerve to miss several cars on the highway in order to avoid a massive collision. Kelsey morphed into another friend, Chris (still on the phone). Chris is a photographer. Apparently she was upset about something but I couldn’t hear her over the phone very well.

high schoolThe next thing I remember is being back at that same building (high school), where a huge event was being prepared to take place. There were a lot of people moving around, getting ready for something. I saw Chris and approached her. She was noticeably upset. I asked her what was wrong. She said, “You’d think that he would have paid me up front for this. And I’m very upset that [unclear] super-glued his fingers together.” In my dream, I knew who and what she was referring to, perhaps because of an earlier dream I have now forgotten. I had the sense that she felt partially responsible about the super-glue incident, because she had left the super-glue out and someone got into it. I asked how much her customer owed her for the photography. She said, “$3,ooo.” I was annoyed with her, so I walked away.

In the very next dream in sequence I was in a room within the same building. I was sitting in a circle of about 10-12 teenage girls. We were in a Sunday School class setting. I stayed for several minutes listening to the content and then left. I walked out to the parking lot and sat in the passenger side of the van. My view from the windshield was a panorama of the front of the building. Upstairs, I could see someone, Sh [who works in the Dallas phone room in real life]. She was getting ready to leave. My boss, M, was lying on the parking lot to the left of the van, just hanging out.

The window to Sh’s office was open, so I struck up a conversation about how she is liking her job and where her corporate office was (taking no consideration of where we actually were). I thought she would say Dallas, but my boss corrected me. She said her job was fine, and that they were working out of some weird-named place in Kansas. Apparently my boss already knew it, and I felt stupid.

Also in my view while sitting in the van was the Sunday School class full of girls. I decided to lie down in the van and rest while I waited for whatever it was I was waiting for. Out of my peripheral vision, I noticed 3 of the girls walking outside. I took little notice of them as they got closer to the parking lot, because I figured they were going to their cars. Suddenly one of them rapped on my door. I rolled down the window, and she said something related to the topic being discussed in the room. I remember it being a pleasant conversation being discussed in the room, and I responded in kind. She said something about them being a bunch of 15-year-olds. I told her that the discussion was still good enough information to uplift and inspire me even at 40 years old. [Now I don’t remember what the content of the discussion was (if anything).]

The next thing I remember, I was standing beside the van, and the football team was in the parking lot again. They were taking the restraints off of the big one.

This is all I can recall now, but I know I dreamed much more than this. At no time within the night did it ever occur to me to ask if I was dreaming. It is becoming apparent that to ask the question means that a certain level of lucidity must already have occurred. In other words, if I can wonder whether I am dreaming or not, I am already in a semi-lucid state. The trick is to realize a dream is happening as it’s happening, so I can ask the question and answer correctly. This will bring more lucidity. The next trick is to remain lucid yet asleep.

DREAMSIGN CATALOGUE:

1. Inner awareness (0/2)

2. Action (1/2)

  • They were taking the restraints off of the big one.

3. Form (1/2)

  • Kelsey morphed into another friend, Chris (still on the phone).

4. Context (4/5)

  • There was one big, black student who required a restraint device, because he was too dangerous to be left unshackled.
  • I was sitting in a circle of about 10-12 teenage girls. We were in a Sunday School class setting.
  • Upstairs, I could see someone, Sh.
  • My boss, M, was lying on the parking lot to the left of the van, just hanging out.

Lucid salt

I had a brief lucid dream last night at 2:30am!

In my dream I was with my boys, and in particular, in the kitchen with my son, B.K.

[The environment and characters in my dream were an obvious continuation of my waking life experience last night, having my sons over for Thanksgiving dinner and a movie].

In the kitchen, I picked up a salt shaker and began dumping salt on the ground, saying, “Whenever you see me do this, it means that I am aware that this is only a dream.” While B.K. and I had a brief conversation about this, my level of awareness, or lucidity, was fluctuating, because I said something else that didn’t make sense. I told B.K., “If you ever pour salt on the ground in my dream, that will be a signal to me that you are lucid.” Of course, one of my characters being lucid in my own dream is silly. But how fascinating to recall how I was trying to instruct my own son to learn lucid dreaming.

I decided that I wanted to experiment with lucidity within the dream, thinking I might manipulate the environment or something. My apartment was strangely empty, so I felt the need to walk outside for more stimuli. First, I needed privacy, thinking interaction with people would cause me to lose awareness. So I led my sons into the back bedroom and closed them in. At this very moment I woke up.

Although my state of awareness was unstable, I felt exhilarated that I had accomplished lucidity.

Two observations: 1) In LaBerge’s book, Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming, he mentions that lucid dreams should be handled in an “open, flexible, and noncommanding” way. The instant I woke up, I realized that I had been too rigid and self-interested to stay asleep. Having forced my boys to be shut into a back room seems to have forced me out of the dream. 2) I felt guilt upon awakening, for trying to force my sons out of my dream, even though I was not rude, mean-spirited, or unfair in any way. This may show me something about my sense of responsibility to my boys, even in my dream state.

I checked my clock when I woke up, and it was 2:30am.

My last dream of the night was about my older brother, Daniel. My dad was there too. We were in a local convenience store, and the clerk was extremely rude to my father, who had come in from out of town. I told her that she should improve her performance as a customer service agent. She made an excuse, so I told her that she had insulted my father, and then I said something very witty which I cannot now recall.

My brother had received some legal papers of some sort. Apparently some agency wanted them signed, essentially agreeing that he did not endorse his brother (me or our other brother, Donn?) as a political candidate (or something). At no time during this dream sequence did I ever become lucid.

DREAMSIGN CATALOGUE:

1. Inner awareness (1/2)

  • I told B.K., “If you ever pour salt on the ground in my dream, that will be a signal to me that you are lucid.”

2. Action (1/1)

  • I picked up a salt shaker and began dumping salt on the ground

3. Form (0/1)

4. Context (1/1)

  • led my sons into the back bedroom and closed them in

First attempt at lucid dreaming

A lucid dream is any dream in which one, for an uninterrupted and prolonged amount of time, is aware that one is dreaming. The phenomenon had also been referred to by Greek philosopher Aristotle who had observed: “often when one is asleep, there is something in consciousness which declares that what then presents itself is but a dream”. – Wikipedia

Your fledgling Oneironaut has some good news and some bad news. The good news is that although I don’t remember most of what I dreamed about last night, I know I dreamed a lot. This means there will be a lot of recorded activity in the weeks to come as I work out the bugs in my dream retention. When my head hit the pillow, I focused on being aware of my awareness, hoping that I could stay “awake” as I fell asleep. To my chagrin, I woke up several times realizing too late that I had been dreaming.

The last dream I had was vivid, one that I didn’t want to end. My oldest son, Jon [almost 20 years old in waking life] and I are on a bus trip. In the dream he was no more than 2 years old and such a cuddle bug.

The difference between a dream, even a vivid one, and a lucid dream is that during the latter, you are aware that you are in a dream. Last night, I never reached that point, but during this last highly pleasant dream, I did experience a thought process worth mentioning.

In my dream with 2-year-old Jon, I was also aware of a future dimension where he is a lot older. Somehow it made sense in the dream that I could spend time with my son while younger in order to improve my relationship with him in his older dimension. I felt elation with the discovery that I could travel back and forth in time and effectively fix errors from the past.

I have four sons. I divorced their mother when Jon was 11, the twins were 9, and the youngest was 7. I have often felt guilty for leaving the house and disrupting their “ideal” situation and for changing my role as a father in the home. Recently Jon and I have had some tough discussions about it, and understandably he still harbors anger over the whole thing.

I am optimistic about my journey into lucid dreaming. I already detect the potential for healing in my waking life as I explore the dynamics of my own soul and psyche. Today happens to be Thanksgiving. I will have all of my sons with me tonight for dinner.

I plan to hug Jon a little longer than usual.

DREAMSIGN CATALOGUE:

1. Inner awareness (1)

  • I felt elation with the discovery that I could travel back and forth in time and effectively fix errors from the past.

2. Action (0)

3. Form (1)

  • In the dream Jon was no more than 2 years old.

4. Context (0)

A cause for lucidity

A few nights ago I asked the question, “Am I dreaming?”

The answer could fall either way, so I performed an uncharacteristic action. Just a test, like pinching myself… except way more fun.

I was standing next to a young woman wearing a light gray skirt. If I am awake, I surmised, I wouldn’t reach over and touch her like this. After applying said action to my (and hopefully her) satisfaction, I decided beyond doubt that I was asleep.

The moment my awareness bloomed sufficiently, I realized that my surroundings were coming from an inner transmitter. I was having a lucid dream.

Rewind 32 years ago. I used to have lucid dreams all the time. Like clock work. I had no reason to suspect that I was the only person having these vivid and profoundly pleasurable nocturnal adventures, in fact, I figured they happened to all kids at a certain age. These nightly episodes, being as intense and wonderful as they were, impacted me to the degree that I would go to bed early each night before my parents would have to yell, “Bedtime!” I couldn’t wait to get under the covers, close my eyes, and enter a world of my own creation. I could fly!

My routine lucid dreaming ceased as quickly as it began. I don’t think they even lasted more than a few months. Over time, I dismissed them as a biological phase in my early childhood development, a brief span when my pre-adolescent mind was sufficiently open, pure, and prepared for these spirit-world ecstasies.

Perhaps losing lucidity in dreaming is as natural to us as losing baby teeth. Perhaps not. Only rarely do I have lucid dreams now, and never for more than a few moments before I wake up.

I have chosen to open that old, dusty box again. It is a box of dreams, and it is filled with mystery and wonder. I invite any who happen upon this site to travel along with me as I journey back into the limitless landscape of my own inner cosmos.

Fast forward to earlier this evening. I’m at Barnes & Noble, thumbing through self-help books, deciding what to read next. It’s what I do. There’s no shame in my game.

I’m just browsing the self-improvement isle, looking for nothing in particular, when lo and behold, there they were. Two titles: A Field Guide to Lucid Dreaming by Dylan Tuccillo, Jared Zeizel, and Thomas Peisel, and Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming by Stephen LaBerge, PhD and Howard Rheingold. I buy them both.

The following blog is an open investigation of lucid dreaming, and it is a primer to help me dust myself off and fly again. I hope that it will be a guide for you too. This blog is dedicated to all those who share in this exploration wherever you are, and to the science of Oneironautics.